IT. IS. ON
The Fiver knows the signs all too well. An inability to sit still; a delivery from Amazon of St George Face Paint that we don’t even remember ordering; and an uncontrollable reflex to shout “FOOTBALL’S COMING HOME!” at random people in the street. Yep, the days before England’s first match at a major tournament are the closest The Fiver gets to experiencing that alien concept called happiness.
England face Tunisia at 7pm BST on Monday, the first match in what should – should – be a relatively comfortable progression TO WINNING THE BLOODY WORLD CU – sorry, to the second round. And it’s happening again. We know England are not serious contenders to win the tournament. We’ve listened to every realistic, well-chosen word that has come out of Gareth Southgate’s mouth. We half suspect they’ll draw 1-1 with Tunisia and Southgate will be mocked up as Tim Nice But Dim in Tuesday’s papers. And after the xWCs of 2006 and 2010, we like this Age of Realism. We understand all that, but we still can’t help ourselves. BECAUSE IT’S ONLY BLOODY WELL COMING HOME!
“This team shouldn’t be burdened with the past because they’re a fresh group, most of them have very few international caps, so the future is all ahead of them,” said Southgate, dramatically serenading Henry Winter with an acapella version of the Stone Roses’ She Bangs the Drums. “They’ve got to be thinking about what’s possible, the players of the past and the opportunities of the past are gone. This team is looking at things in a different way, trying to play in a different way.” And they really are. They aren’t going to change the world or win the Ethics World Cup but they might make it a more interesting place – especially that Rufus Creek fella. Not since the 1990s have England had such a modern, likable side. We may look back on this tournament as the beginning of a change in the DNA of English football. OR THEY MIGHT JUST BLOODY WIN THE THING RIGHT NOW, EH!
Sorry, we can’t help ourselves sometimes.
In other news, how about that Super Sunday! Brazil drew with Switzerlandand Germany were beaten by Mexico! The Mexican fans’ celebrations were so great as to set off earthquake sensors. Either that or our Mexican cousin Cinco had been overdoing it on the artichokes again. Those results are good news for England, and not just because of the intravenous injection of schadenfreude. England seemed set to meet either Brazil or Germany in the quarter-finals if they got that far, games they would be 110% certain to lose. Instead, they could now have an easier ride. We’ve said it before and we’ll definitely say it again: IT’S BLOODY WELL COMING HOME!
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thanks for checking in today hope to see you again.